So You Think You Can Dance!!!

“Outside my studio door, in my garden, is a tree that has always been a symbol of facing life, and in many ways it is a dancer. It began as a sapling when I first moved here and although a wire gate was in its way, it persisted and grew to the light, and now thirty years later it is a tree with a very thick trunk, with the wire embedded within. Like a dancer, it went to the light and carried the scars of its journey inside.”

~Martha Graham~

I don't "think" I can dance. I "KNOW" I can dance. I beleive that the above quote encompasses everything a dancer feels in every aspect of life. I once had a dancer's body and had a hard time accepting the small imperfections and flaws that I possessed. The dance world can be cruel at times and any amount of rejection can slowly eat away at your self-esteem. Two babies and forty pounds later, I've now learned to embrace every curve of my voluptuous figure. While I am not a conformist in any way and have not stopped trying to lose a lot of this baby body fat (and the combination of age and Latin genes are not much help) I've learned that accepting this God-given figure even in its most imperfect of states, is what is going to help me reach my ideal weight and fitness level. Perhaps this is a mere attempt to justify why I have not managed to get back into shape. But while I work on it (and I do write this in an attempt to share with others that I am about to make a serious change in my life in order to achieve something that isn't easy for me) I've thought a lot about my own attitude towards myself. I believe that this is key to what I want to change. Like the metaphor of the tree, I may have developed quite a "thick trunk" carrying quite a few emotional scars, but that doesn't mean I can't still grow. And it doesn't mean the "light" is not there to aid me.

So for anyone who knows me, you probably know what a passion I have for dance. You also know that I recieved a BFA in Modern Dance. My husband on the other hand hates it. Well, perhaps he doesn't really hate it. That's a strong word. But let's put it this way, he rolls his eyes in quite a few circles at the mention of the word. He even finds certain genres of dance to be vulgar and provocative. And no, it's not just exotic dancing that he puts in this category. I suppose that as my polar opposite, he keeps me in balance this way.

I used to think I wanted to be in a great Dancer's Company or choreograph something so grand that it would be used in Vegas in some sort of staged theatrical production. While I would still love to do that (I won't lie) I sat at home one day with my children wondering if my education in the art of dance had all been in vain. Consequently, my husband and I have been talking a lot about the Law of Consecration and the idea of keeping just enough to be sufficient for our needs and using the rest to give unto the building of the kingdom. This is not an easy one. But while discussing this, I thought of my education. The talents of which I possess that have also been given to me as a gift to help in the raising up of Zion.

I remembered an address given by Boyd K. Packer that a friend shared with me while I was attending Brigham Young. I sort of read through it quickly, not really seeking much from it. How many things have I looked over because of my own foolishness in not truely seeking? And I know I may do it again and again. I recently pulled it out and found something so profound I had to write out my thoughts. The address is entitled "The Arts and the Spirit of the Lord" and it was given at a fireside on Feb. 1, 1976. I love how in his humility he doesn't think himself as an artist by any degree. And I've seen some of his bird carvings. They are above and beyond anything I could ever produce with mine own hands.

In it he says, "Go to, then, you who are gifted; cultivate your gift. Develop it in any of the arts and in every worthy example of them. If you have the ability and the desire, seek a career or employ your talent as an avocation or cultivate it as a hobby. But in all ways bless others with it. Set a standard of excellence. Employ it in the secular sense to every worthy advantage, but never use it profanely. Never express your gift unworthily. Increase our spiritual heritage in music, in art, in literature, in dance, in drama. When we have done it our activities will be a standard to the world. And our worship and devotion will remain as unique from the world as the Church is different from the world. Let the use of your gift be an expression of your devotion to Him who has given it to you. We who do not share in it will set a high standard of expectation: “For of him unto whom much is given much is required.” (D&C 82:3.) May I remind you what I said at the beginning. My credential to speak does not come from personal mastery of the arts. I repeat my confession. I am not gifted as a musician or as a poet, nor adequate as an artist, nor accomplished in the field of dance, or writing, or drama. I speak on this subject because I have a calling, one which not only permits, but even requires, that we stay close to Him and to His Spirit."

Upon reading this, I realized something huge. My education in dance has in no way been in vain. Even if I never set foot on a stage again. I reflect upon my wanting to dance on stage in Vegas. It all seems so silly when I think of the moments that I spend at home dancing around in the living room with no one to watch me but my son as he jumps and stomps and flails his arms about his head. Our innate human desire for movement is all there. He laughs to see me dance and tries hard to immitate as I stand on my head breathing through my yoga techniques. Out of the corner of my eye, my little girl lies on her belly, stretching out her neck with her curious eyes looking at my awkward movement. It is a gift and a tool which I can now use in teaching my own children and we can giggle about it in the process. What could possibly be more important than that?

As petty as it may sound, one of my reasons for reminiscing about my past as a dancer is the upcoming season of So You Think You Can Dance. I guess it inspires me. I keep on dancing no matter what my body limits me to doing. And yes, I KNOW I can dance. I can dance whenever and wherever I wish. If my kids could speak or at least speak clearly, they would tell you the same. Mommy can surely dance.

With that said, who wants to watch SYTYCDance with me?