Far Above the Price of Rubies

As some of may or may not know, my dear grandmother passed away last week on May 13, 2009. I am okay for anyone who may be wondering. My grandfather passed away just this last December and I knew this was coming soon. It was one of those things where you just felt there was little time left for her because you knew she wasn't to be parted from her beloved husband for long. She'd been battling cancer for a while and it seemed that this truly was a blessing for her. She is no longer in any pain and has been reunited with her husband. What a gift it is to have the gospel at times like these. I am ever so grateful for it, because I do not fear death this way. Any one of us at any given time may be taken back to the heavens and it is only with the knowledge of the gospel and the comfort that comes from knowing our families are forever, that things like this aren't as difficult for me as they might be for someone who has no knowledge of such things. I wasn't able to attend the funeral but with the blessing of modern technology (the computer) my sisters and I were able to put together some words for her eulogy. We had little time to prepare so please forgive us if it seems somewhat disjointed. I do believe the essence of her words are there and her meaning comes across clear even in the rushed translation that I put together. I would eventually like to go back and get things down a little more clearly, but for now, this is what I'd like to share from the interview we had 6 months ago after my grandfather's funeral.

Eulogy of Baltazara Velez Chozo:

“Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) The definition of virtue is moral excellence. A virtue is a character trait or quality valued as being good. Virtues can be placed into a broader context of values. Each individual has a core of underlying values that contribute to our system of beliefs, ideas and/or opinions. A value is the core from which we operate or react. Individual virtues can be grouped into one of four categories of values:

· Ethics (virtue and vice, good and bad, moral, immoral, and amoral, right and wrong
permissible and impermissible)
· Aesthetics (beautiful, ugly, unbalanced, pleasing)
· Doctrinal (political, ideological, religious or social beliefs and values)
· Innate/Inborn (inborn values such as reproduction and survival)

When sitting down in a closed room with my grandmother, listening to her explain the significant experiences of her life, it was easy to recognize that this woman found the greatest joys of her life in the simple role of a daughter, mother and grandmother. And there really is nothing simple about any of those roles. With each came a huge responsibility. We would like to share with you portions of an interview conducted with my grandmother, Baltazara Chozo Velez, and in the things she found that were valued far above the price of rubies.

Interview With Baltazara Velez Chozo
As translated by Ligia V. Velez Huntington

-What object comes to mind when I say the word “home?” What significance does this object hold?

I had a dress. It was my favorite because it had a little floral print and it was yellow. I love yellow. It reminds me of home. But I never had expensive dresses. I liked the little flowers. Nothing too big and gaudy. Like my home, it was simple but warm. I also a remember a doll made of rags. She never had any “one” name in particular. I would name her after family members depending on what I was playing at the moment. To me, home is about being with my family. That’s probably why I named my dolls after family members. It’s what I knew. It brought me comfort. Later in my life it was about being with my children at home and teaching them good morals. When they don’t obey, it’s painful. But you try and keep on teaching them.

-What was the most tender moment you remember with your mother?

My mother always told me to believe in the Lord. My mother always defended me. I remember being afraid of my dad whenever I shattered a dish or cup. But she always stood by my side to defend me.

-How many brothers and sisters did you have?

Thirteen. One of my brothers (2nd) and one sisters (4th) died of chicken pox? There was no cure for it at the time. No vaccinations or anything. I was the ninth child.

-What is the earliest memory you have of your dad teaching you something?

All the obligations of a housewife was an important thing to him and he valued that enough to make sure I knew of it.

-Describe to me some common activities you would do together as a family.

Birthdays. We would invite friends over and celebrate from the night before. At midnight, that’s when it counted most. We would celebrate it as soon as the hour of the day hit. We would wear our best attire and clean the house. It showed that you cared. It was respectful.

-Describe something you love or are passionate about? Why?

My family. Because they are my children. They come from me and it hurts when they don’t come to visit me.

-Who was your first love? How was he special?

I had a lot of pursuers. Nestor was the first one and the only one really. Because he came to visit me. He was very poor. But he was honest about his poverty. I noticed that he truly loved me. He was humble and very simple. He didn’t play games. He was what I would describe as a transparent man. You could see right through him. He would emphasize his poverty because he wanted to know if I could accept a poor man into my life.

-How did you know when you were really in love?

When he left, it was hard for me. The year that he was in the air force, being apart from him, that was hard. But I received letters from him. That’s when I knew I loved him. My other suitors didn’t become very family oriented. They would always stand on the corners of the streets chatting and didn’t really care to KNOW me. To get to know who I was. Here is something interesting: My grandmother tried to talk to me in regards to setting me up with another suitor. It was a sort of arranged marriage. My grandparents even helped him set up a mini-market to provide good business for our possible future together; to pay for our life expenses together. But I didn’t love him. Then there was another who set up a bakery and made pretty good money. But I didn’t love him either. I guess I had many suitors.

-How did you meet your spouse?

It was through my sister in law, through my brother Thomas. She introduced us and we would go to the movies every now and then. My dad didn’t want us to get together but I married for love, not for money.

-Describe your first kiss.

A kiss at that time, was considered a serious promise. That never happened until we were married. Nestor and I held hands, but my father could never know of that. That was the riskiest thing we ever did while dating. He would also make excuses to come see me and say that he was coming to see my cousin for instance.

-What was it like falling in love with your husband…the dating and your feelings?

I would make up excuses to go to Chiclayo to go shopping when really, I would meet up with Nestor to go out and hold hands some more. I would escape and go alone just to see him. I had no intention of telling my parents because I knew they wouldn’t approve. We eloped. He promised me he would save some money so we could run off together and get married. He wrote to my father to ask for forgiveness with the promise that he would take care of me and always provide. He was determined to fulfill his promise to take care of me. There was a wedding announcement in the newspaper. It was the “Edicto Matrimonial.” He sent the clipping to my father as proof of his promise. After the wedding, my mother-in-law sent a turkey and some chickens. I remember thinking, “Where are we supposed to prepare all of this? Our little apartment was way to small to prepare such luxurious foods.

-Tell me of a time you lost all control and felt as though you could never pull through?

For the most part, I felt that in every situation I really could pull through. Sometimes Nestor would get home late and that would bother me. But even through those short moments of anger, I always tried to remain positive. I would think about how to get ahead in life. I had to be supportive and assist my husband so that he could progress and become the best man he could be. I did my best to be a good housewife. To be of good support emotionally was key.

-Tell me the thing, experience or person that was most difficult to part from and why?

It’s difficult for me to part from my children and grandchildren. I get sad to see them grow up and get married, but not because they grow up. I am just sad they leave and that I must let them go.

-At what point in your life did you feel like you had become an adult?

When I got pregnant. There were a lot of ups and downs in this adventure but I would say it was when Gloria was about a year old.

-What was it like when you first became a mother? How did you feel? Were your labors hard? Was it hard raising your children?

I was scared and felt alone sometimes. I didn’t have family near. There was only a cousin nearby and it was from Nestor’s side of the family. I was nervous because Nestor worked and left early every morning at 6 am so he wasn’t around all the time throughout my pregnancy. I also heard horror stories from other women about how difficult labor was. I actually went to hospital alone in a taxi while pregnant with Gloria (my first child). It was a labor and delivery only hospital. Nestor’s cousin told him I was in labor and he rushed over to the hospital. It turned out alright. I then had a home birth with Norma and Jose. I felt more prepared and experienced these times. There were no complications. I was progressively less afraid with each one. It was less painful too. Nestor didn’t want more kids after having Gloria. He only wanted one child. But I’m glad we had our three.

-When and how did you build a personal relationship with God? How has that changed your life?

When my husband accepted the gospel, I had doubts. For about a year I doubted but I studied and searched on my own. I was very skeptical. It was through my dreams that I received some sort of personal revelation. Before getting baptized, I dreamt that Christ entered into my bedroom with his apostles to tell me that it was all true. I didn’t get baptized when Nestor did. I later made the decision on my own. That was a good thing for me.

-What accomplishment do you deem worthy of remembering and that you’d like your children and grandchildren to remember you for?

Know how to defend yourself in life. Work to always unite. I did my best to unify my family. Find ways in which to progress. Don’t be a conformist.

-What advice can you leave with me today that you think will help me in my life?

As a wife, support your husband. Always do things for the sake of your children. Keep them in mind and don’t be selfish. It is for their well-being. Finishing your education will give you the means to defend yourself. Honor your mother and father. Be obedient.

Our Grandmother found the greatest of her values in the fruit of her hands rather than in “riches and rubies.” She never feared a life of poverty and always strived to do what was right. Progression in the mind and spirit is what really mattered deep down in her heart. She understood that as long as we could provide for our basic essential needs that the Lord would take care of us in all other ways. Through her example, my grandmother taught us about patience, kindness, love and faith. It is in these qualities that we can see the fruit of my grandmother’s hands, and apply these universal principles in our own lives as we also move forward towards eternal progression.

“Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands: and let her own works praise her in the gates (Proverbs 31:25-31).”